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Like so many modern Americans, I spent years in a spiritual limbo, angst ridden, pondering the big questions. Nothing helped. Until one day I found him: The Great Flying Spaghetti Monster from Outer Space.

Now my search is over and my soul is at peace. Praise The Great Flying Spaghetti Monster. Since I found him, it all makes so much sense. And I know if I spread he word about The Great Flying Spaghetti Monster from Outer Space, soon all my fellow men and women will be as contented and at-peace as I am.

The Great Flying Spaghetti Monster from Out of Space has revealed his plan to me, he has told me how he wants me to reach out to the other masses of people out there. He wants me to build a gigantic model of his likeness out of plaster and chicken wire, and then set it up in the courtyard outside of my local county offices for a week straight, during what He has told me to call the "Festival of Spaghetti Monsterosity." The site of my plaster and chicken wire model of the Flying Spaghetti Monster from Outer Space will sure spread the good word about the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Now I have spoken to some atheist and secular humanist friends about my new religious mission, and being the typical party-pooper atheists and secular humanists that they are, they warned me that my plan to put my plaster and chicken wire model of the Flying Spaghetti Monster on public property just wouldn't be acceptable. They tried to tell me that the government can't allow religious demonstrations of any sort on public property on account of some quaint document known as the United States Constitution which has firm provisions about the separation of Church and State.

Well, I say nonsense to all that. People need to know about the Flying Spaghetti Monster from Out of Space and I need to tell them about Him. So what if our Founding Fathers, representing the greatest ideas of the Enlightenment, thought it was absolutely crucial, for the preservation of Democracy, to separate church and state? The Enlightenment is over! We are in trouble now, people, and we need The Flying Spaghetti Monster from Outer Space to show us the way. I'll be dadgummed if I'm going to let any old Constitution prevent me from carrying out His will.

So that's it. I'm doing it. This year, the week of December 19th through until the 26th, I'm putting up my plaster and chicken wire model of the Flying Spaghetti Monster from Outer Space, right there in front of the County Offices, where everybody can be inspired by its grandeur and get into the true spirit of the Spaghetti Monsterosity Season. No two hundred and something year-old piece of paper written by a bunch of guys in powdered wigs is going to stop me from doing what my religion tells me is the right thing to do.

Learn more about this author, Briggs Seekins.
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