by Genine Hopkins

Created on: September 02, 2007

I recall the first time my daughter told me she had a "boyfriend." She was in second grade, and the boy had been one of her social network. My first thought was to panic, the typical mode of behavior and reaction to most parents, and immediately I envisioned the two walking hand in hand in the hallways, kissing as they parted and (gasp!) playing doctor! Visions of her as a child bride flashed across my mind. As my children shook me back to reality, I realized that what this actually meant was that they ignored each other throughout most of the day, were bound to sit apart at lunch, but could call themselves "attached." This relationship was not much different than those with her "girlfriends." Relationships have such different meanings throughout our life, and I don't think we ever really "get it" even if we have been married for 50 plus years.

Perhaps my daughter's vision of a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship was more of a connection than those she will encounter as an adult. As teenagers, when we first begin dating, a couple of dates will have the girl dreaming of her wedding dress and writing her first name with his last while the boy is bragging how many bases he's taken, whether he's actually taken them or not. The girl is living in the "princess" world while the boy is looking for adventure, excitement and conquest.

Communication is another issue! As couples, happy men learn to navigate the murky waters that are the female dialogue; God help them if they fail this crucial education. A woman will ask, "Do I look fat," for which there is no correct answer in reality. As any happily married man will tell you, learning the best response will provide safety and keep you sane. Men also only hear about 1/4 of our long and descriptive conversation and their short contrite answers sometimes provoke a female response of, "You just don't listen to me, you don't hear a word I say!" We won't cover physical relations!

So the labels of girlfriend and boyfriend change over time. We start out as little more than friends separated by gender differences to entities divided by many chasms. We eventually admit that men are indeed from Mars and women must be from Venus.

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