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Bruises will fade over time. Broken bones will mend over time. Welts from being spanked with a belt can be disguised by clothing. Mom's black eye can be explained as an accidental fall. Perhaps, she was just clowning around and hit the door knob...accidentally. At 73, the lingering effects of this abuse, from the hands of a man she loved are still apparent. An injury to her tail-bone when she ended up on a terrazzo floor, still plagues her today.

For 18 years, this is how she lived until the divorce became final. The woman he left my mother for, suffered abuse from him as well; however she fought back and at times he was the "injured" party. Nevertheless, there were the few times he came to our house and wanted mom to doctor his wounds. She sent him to the gas station on the corner...That was no longer her problem.

Witnessing this as a child alters one's psyche in the deepest part of their soul. There is no way a child is able to take in such violence, and not be forever changed by the devastation that violence is cruel and when domesticated...deliberate. How does one "accidentally" hit another? How does one not mean to humiliate or intimidate? They simply don't.

For years, I assumed that all men hit. They hit women and children and that was the norm as far as I was concerned. Looking back now, I understand the difference between discipline and abuse, but when you're a child and this is all you know, you question in your mind how others may live.

I certainly never witnessed the same atmosphere in others homes as what was in my own, but that's not to say it wasn't there. Unfortunately, that's the reality of domestic violence. It's easy to disguise. It's thought of as a silent crime, when done in one's home. What goes on behind closed doors is nobody's business. That's how it's perpetuated and repeated generation after generation.

The Effect on Boys

Fathers are responsible to teach their sons to be grown men. Raise them with a sense of responsibility. Teach them to provide for their own families and themselves. Real men lead by example in loving and nurturing environments. Real fathers understand their role in a son's life. They are the priority, not the other way around. Our reality was different.

A man's word and a handshake were all it took to do business years ago. Those that portrayed that quality were well respected and well thought of. I never met the man, but I know the stories well that describe this man...my grandfather. Though they were poor, he

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