Where you begin a discussion with your child's teacher about homework depends just a bit on what kind of groundwork you have laid with your child.

What are your expectations for your child? Do you communicate high, but reasonable expectations at home? Do you reinforce these expectations? Does your child understand what you expect? Do you monitor your student's progress? Or are you the sort of parent who barely glances at the parent letter your kid brings home for you to sign, feels annoyed at having to get your kid properly outfitted for school and lets him or her know it, and expects your student to figure out that studying is more important than playing video games after school while you are busy doing other things? How do YOU communicate the value of school to your child?

Which kind of influence you have been on your child will greatly determine your best avenue for discussion with the teacher.

If you have been proactive, set expectations, and followed through to see that your child completes work, you are probably in a great position to determine if the homework load is too high, or at least if your child is struggling to do the homework properly.

If you aren't "into" paying that kind of attention, your child may have some really poor work habits. It's also possible that he or she sees an opportunity to continue to get out of doing homework by engaging you in a battle with the teacher as something that will work to his or her advantage.

I am both a teacher and a mother. I've seen the good, the bad, and the downright ugly from time to time when trying to work with upset parents. The majority of the relationships I have had with my student's parents have been really good; they do want to know what is going on and how they can help. One hundred percent of the time, these parents approach me seeking information, and hope that we can work as a team to determine how to make learning most effective for their child.

There is that occasional parent, however, who chooses another approach. This type of parent comes in prepared to blast me with the 'true' stories of homework (or classwork, etc.) horror and unfairness that their child has come home with. This type of parent is mostly just concerned with making sure that I, and everyone in my district in a position of power, realizes that whatever the homework problem is, it's not the child's fault but rather an evil premeditated plan on my part to inflict pain and suffering. If you are this kind of parent, do yourself a favor. Check with the school and community about the teacher before you choose this path. If you find out that the teacher is a well-regarded professional who has a reputation for fairness and good practice, rethink your direction.

The bottom line is this: Everyone does make mistakes and everyone is different in what they need and what they can do. Prepare your children well, stay proactive in their lives. Approach teachers as your ally, for that they certainly are. Request information, rather than jumping to conclusions. Be prepared to follow up on whatever you plan to do to remediate the homework issue, for if only the teacher is expected to "do something" that something will surely fail. Don't be afraid to e-mail or call; a good teacher will want your input when confronting an issue-you may provide the key to why your child is having problems! Don't allow your child to put you in the middle of a conflict; you and the teacher are the adults in the situation. Together you can decide what is best.

Learn more about this author, Dawn Sundene.
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