I sit here at almost twenty-four hours of my own personal quit. The decision to quit was made two nights ago before bed. I said to myself, "I'm done", and that was that.

Yesterday morning was alright, better than I thought it would be. I had my coffee and breakfast, took my kids out for a stroll and managed. Out on the walk, I breathed deeply, walked fast and let my heart rate go up. It felt really amazing and I thought to myself, I can do it...this is so easy!

On my way home I broke into a cold sweat. It was almost my daughters nap time and my time to smoke, have a hot coffee, and read the paper out in the sun. I didn't know what I was going to do with myself and I didn't WANT to do anything else! I thought I was going to faint at that point and had to slow down and collect my thoughts. I made it home and my girls gave me a really hard time about going for a nap. After about an hour of struggling with them I gave up, let them out of their cribs and burst into tears. All I needed was a cigarette and everything would be okay. I calmed down, made a few bottles and the twins fell asleep. First thing I did was call my husband at work with the hopes he had hid a few cigarettes for me like he usually does when I quit smoking. Unfortunately, he had not and I was so mad at him but at least I knew we had none around and it helped to know. If he had stashed a few, I would've bee-lined it outside and smoked right then and there.

The rest of the day was easy until my husband came home with his cigarettes. Again, the cold sweat, panicky feeling struck and I felt like his pack was calling my name. Luckily, my brother, who is a non-smoker and really supportive of my quitting was over for dinner and him being there really helped.

When I woke up this morning I was so happy I had made it through my first 24 hours! I was really proud of myself and thought today would be a piece of cake. I've had a few panic attacks and cold sweat moments but as the hours tick by they happen less frequently.

My most recent panic attack happened when I was talking to my husband on the phone this afternoon and he was lighting up. It's Friday night and traditionally, we get a bottle of wine or a few beer and watch movies or play cards. More often than not we have friends over who all smoke cigarillos or cigarettes and we all sit on the patio talking, drinking and smoking. At the vision of a cool glass of white wine, friends and the weekend vibe I panicked.

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