by Louweeze

Created on: August 31, 2007   Last Updated: January 08, 2008

Would it benefit us to be able to choose life's lessons? Ponder this for a moment. We would read a daily syllabus and select today's lesson. Of course, we cannot know what the lesson entails. That is discovered along the way, except to be given a list of required reading, and a list of needed supplies. Would this make learning them any easier?

Some of us learn so many of these lessons the hard way. I have been one of them. I've often wondered if there was something lacking in me; that maybe I didn't understand how some things worked, so I went about doing them all wrong. Or that I was always missing key points because I didn't listen well enough, and that's what screwed up things for me. Even today, I speculate about this. Not that long ago, I avoided doing things I wanted to do, for fear of totally messing it all up. I wasn't so much concerned about what others thought of me, as I was of wasting time and effort. A music teacher once told me I'd never learn how to read one note. I believed her.

My parents weren't affectionate, nor very forthcoming with any wisdom about life. They often gave us books to read. I remember well the book entitled "That Time Of The Month." They taught as they were taught. Mom and dad were strict and hardworking. We attended parochial school, were taught by nuns, and we were very sheltered from much of what was going on around us. Needless to say, I entered the adult world without the knowledge to survive well.

I've associated with drug addicts, alcoholics, and criminals - both on a personal level, and on a professional level. I've lived in buildings that were torn down because they were derelict and unfit to live in. Only once did I steal, from a grocery store, because I was six months pregnant and hadn't eaten for three days. My children and I spent a few days once in a women's shelter. I've sold my personal belongings to pay the bills. I've had close family members hurt me to the core of my heart, and never say they were sorry. I've had dealings with lawyers, judges, public defenders - and not by choice, but because of circumstances beyond my control with family members required it.

These lessons came hard, but they stuck and I'm a better person for it all. I wonder how different a person I'd be otherwise. It does no good to whine and complain. If something needs to be done, be pro-active and git'r'done. Most problems don't go away if we ignore them.

And still, yet, there's one lesson I've struggled with for the past number of years...

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