Reflections, from a Bulimic

When people think of their college years, they might think of these words, freedom, fun, party, life with out strings, and (oh can't forget) school. When I think of my college days, I think of struggle, obsession, striving, and worry. And I don't mean academically.

When I graduated high school I was determined not to gain the freshman 15. (For those who are slang challenged, that is average amount of weight a freshman in college puts on in the first year.) I ate at the cafeteria, but if one thing can make a girl lose her appetite is seeing the guy she has crush on sit with a girl about 100lbs! So, the cafeteria was a great place for me to lose weight! I would get there and stand in line and decide I am going to eat the Salisbury steak, potatoes, and ice cream. Then I would look around at the sea of good looking guys and would wonder why I have not been asked out yet. Then I would look around and see that each guy was in close proximity to a frail sorority girl. Appetite lost! So as my roommate ate sensibly, I would grab and apple or a bowl of cereal. And I would sit and eat very little, as I sulked. "It must be that I am not thin enough to be attractive!" I would think to myself as played the fruit loops with my spoon.

So that first year I lost 15 pounds. Now, don't get me wrong. I did eat. Most of the time, I did, I found ways to sneak into the bathroom and make myself puke most of it up. I was an athlete, so I knew I had to eat otherwise I would not be able to perform in sports and other activities. So I ate just enough to not make me anorexic.

During that first year, I had my first kiss, my first date, and many seconds, thirds, fourthswell, you get the picture. I assumed my luck with the guys was due to my weight loss making me attractive. But in reality, my self esteem went up and my personality became more approachable and loveable. I was no longer a bump on a log who looked depressed.

I was pretty content with myself until, a guy broke my heart. He returned to his ex-girlfriend whom he flaunted in front of me. I looked at her and knew that I knew it was because I didn't look like her! In my messed-up mind, I was determined I could change and win him back. So started, my downhill plummet into obsessive diet pills and drinks and 3 hr, 6 days a week work outs at the gym.

I look back now and realize, I could never be her! She was 5 foot 2 inches, 100 lbs, with fake

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