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You married your partner to stay married, not to divorce. You had children to be raised in a family with two parents, not one parent, nor with two parents in separate homes. That has all changed. Your dreams are crushed, your plans now need to be rearranged, and your children are dragged into the middle of everything. This affects everyone in different ways. But, no matter how each person handles this change, there will be some form of hurt, anger, confusion, fear, sadness, or some other feeling that will bring about tears. That is natural.

As the parent, you are going through a lot and will need to cry. You have added responsibilities, you are grieving a loss, you may feel alone and that you have failed, and you may be very hurt by your ex. I believe it is appropriate for our children to see us crying once in a while. They will see that it is okay to cry. However, if you feel the need to cry often, I would recommend finding someone or a few people that you can rely on to express your feelings. Perhaps, a local single parent group or your church can give you some comfort as well. There may be times when no one is available when you need them. It may be helpful, at times like these, to write out your feelings in a journal or on an internet chat room.

Allow your children to express themselves throughout this experience. They will need to shed their tears. It can be difficult for you to see your children hurting, but be careful not to shut them down. I remember my daughter crying once for about 25 minutes because of something her father did. I just held her close and let her cry. I wanted to permit her to release all of her hurt, especially since I was certain that all of those tears were not solely due to what her father did. She was going through a lot due to all of the changes that were happening in her world. Empathy helps your children greatly.

You children and your success as a single parent require that you are generally strong and in control. Therefore, while you are going through the grieving process, make an effort to go through a healing process as well. Know that with every loss, there is something to gain, to look forward to. Make time to meditate, pray, and repeat positive mantras whenever you can. Look for the positive parts of your life and smile at them. Teach your children how to do this as well.

Remember there is a time to cry, a time for laughter, a time for grieving, a time for renewal. Tears are for healing, allow them to flow. They will lessen in time. Trust me, they will.

Learn more about this author, Abigail Rose.
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