There is nothing worse than a misguided networker. This poor person may have been advised by management to make every networking second count. The implication from that statement is that when going out to events a sale should always be brought back from every networking opportunity. Or it may even be a direct statement from the boss that sounds something like this, "So, who did you sell to today at that lunch. Or were you wasting your time?" No wonder there is inappropriate, hard selling behavior in the networking ranks.

Many would think the above offender would be the young person just beginning a business career. Certainly a percentage of younger folks might fit the above description. What is disturbing, though, is that often it is the more seasoned business person who should know better. Networking is not where selling gets done nor is it appropriate. Networking is an exercise in connecting or reconnecting with business associates to find out how to be helpful. And that does not mean selling your services or products.

There is a theory out there called the attraction principle. Put into a simple description, it means that some people have a way about them that makes others want to be around them. I have not heard of the detraction principle but it would be just the opposite; people who have an aura that scares others away. Hard selling does that. Finding out how you can help and in general focusing on the person sitting next to you at the networking lunch will take you more distance in the long run.

Once selling is not the thrust of a conversation, most people will just relax and have an enjoyable lunch or breakfast with those seated near them. Relaxed conversation is usually when the best information is shared. But what about that boss back that the Okay Corral? He or she will want to know how many people you took aim at today. The best answer to give your boss is that you have scheduled an appointment or two with those people with whom you felt you should meet to learn more. They certainly might be a prospect, or they might be someone you could help. Bosses like to measure activity and the scheduling of appointments will give the boss the reasoning that you aren't wasting time and money by going to that networking thing.

Being known as someone who helps will link you to the attraction principle. You will have people wanting to meet with you. Conversely, if you only look at people as sales targets, people will run from you, not wanting to be near someone who only thinks of them as a number. It's your choice. Which seems easier and more productive to you?

Learn more about this author, Debby Peters.
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