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Tips for dealing with tears, yours and the kids'

My situation as a single parent is not the result of a divorce. I was involved with a man and upon hearing I was pregnant - he couldn't run fast enough. He doesn't even know when her birthday is. My beautiful daughter has never seen him.

There weren't a lot of questions about our lifestyle until she started school. Naturally, noticing that her classmates had two parents, she began to question me. Honesty, within age appropriate limits, is always best- even when it hurts.

Through gritted teeth, I have always told her that her father's made a choice about the way he wants to live his life and we are not a part of that life. Although we may feel his decision is wrong, and not understand why we're left to bear the pain of that decision, we must try to respect the choice he's made.

I'm very careful not to give her false hope that should he decide to meet her, he'd instantly fall in love and become father of the year. Instead, when there are tears; when she cries asking me if she'll ever have a real dad, I explain that a family is not just blood relations, but rather people who have love, and respect for each other, and who've chosen to be part of each others lives. Because we have that, we are very blessed.

You can imagine that at six years old there are times where I have no words to ease the pain- and you won't either. I believe it's perfectly fine to say "I don't know honey", "I don't know how to make this easier for you", or "this is difficult for both of us but we'll make it work".

My best advice for the "teary times" is to allow your child to talk about their feelings. Especially around the holidays or their birthday when you know the subject will come up, brace yourself emotionally. The plain truth is that sometimes you'll just cry together and you know what? That's ok too.

Learn more about this author, L.D. Lee.
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