by lori W.

Created on: August 29, 2007

Here then gone, pain then numb - Widow.

Through the window, frosted and cold, a view of Christmas retrospect. He sat by the fire, pipe in hand, contemplating all those Christmas memories with her by his side.

It was yesterday that he looked into those brown eyes and pledged a lifetime of fidelity and love. Just yesterday when he held her close as they embarked upon the birth of their son.

As he wakes he remembers her smile on that baking day. The one he gave her a single string of pearls. She laughed and said it matched the flour on her frock. It was fun.

As the fire dances and sparks he recalls the lilt of her laughter and the sting of her tears when Christmas came all those years.

As the family grew and life took on a more hurried pace, they grew apart.

Never without love, never without respect, just a hue of lost passion and embrace.
Time passes so quickly he thinks and now sitting here alone on Christmas, contemplating the lost years.

It seems just a moment and the family was grown, gone and out with families of their own. Then it was just the two once again. Comfortable in their age, yet alone in their union. What to talk about? What to do? Where to go?

So selfishly he created a space wherein he did not have to look, did not have to heal or repair the lost embrace. And he went on. He did not notice the lost look in her eyes or the steady decline in her gait. He did not notice but told himself he cared. He did not remember the comfort in her presence, like the sunrise, always there, always present, always caring. He did not notice her pain.

But as age often does manifest, the river of life flows to an eventual end.

Sitting here in front of the frosted Christmas window remembering the loss. Remembering every aspect of the day she told him she would have to go. In disbelief he asked her why?

She said to him in a quiet voice, "You did not notice and I wish you had, that my life was lonely and often sad. Yes you were there and you provided well, but you left the Us that we had been. I missed you at first, it was hard to take. But as time went by I resigned to my fate. I do not leave you now for lack of love, or for anger or distaste. I leave you now because it is time. For whatever reason God has called, I must answer. But do you remember the fun we had? They joy at Christmas? Looking out the window at the snow and the winds? I lived for those times and many others. I loved the Christmas Window. When it is over, you'll find me there."

The illness was short and then she was gone. And now all he has are the memories and memories of failures in front of the fire, through the Christmas window.

Here then gone, pain then numb - Widow

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