by Rebecca Laffar-Smith

Created on: August 29, 2007

Buy Some Kleenex.

Tears are a healthy and completely normal response to the grief and pain involved in the dissolving of a family. Divorce can be messy, it can be filled with anger and resentment, it can be filled with regret and it is always filled with tears.

Change is challenging, particularly for children and the confusion that is often associated with the separation of parents can make divorce even more difficult for children. As parents we try to remain strong for our kids but our emotions are not something to hide.

Be Open, Talk and Cry Together.

Your kids need you right now. Wanting to curl up into a ball and shut out the world is normal but at this moment, no matter how much you are hurting, your kids need you. It's important not to shut down. You can hurt and you can cry but you need to let your kids know why you are crying and that it is ok if they want to cry as well.

Kids gain strength from understanding. Even if you feel like they are too young to really know what you are talking about they'll be reassured by your soft voice and your warm presence. If you're racked with sobs and snuffling into a tissue it doesn't matter to them, they love you and they need to be with you right now.

Be open and honest about how you are feeling and why you are crying. Always leave yourself open to them and invite them to come and talk to you at any time. Sit and talk together, cry together, share your emotions with each other as a family. You'll strengthen the bonds of what remains and right now they need to feel safe and secure.

Go Outside, Smell the Flowers, Dance in the Rain.

It might seem silly but it is important that along with crying those healing tears you begin to live again. You're likely to break down at the most awkward of times but you can't let that hold you back from stepping outside. Breathe deeply of the rich air and smell the flowers. Be aware of time passing and of life beyond your own four walls.

Get out into the world and experience again. Take chances, meet knew people and risk getting hurt again. Get your kids involved in something new and make sure they still play with their old friends or make new ones. Start a new hobby or get reabsorbed in an old favorite. Go for a run or take the dog for a walk. Live.

Cry Some More.

When you think your tears have finally dried up rent some sappy movies or go hang out in the maternity ward at the hospital and cry some more. Accept that no matter how many tears you cry there will be more in there waiting for you. You will all cry a great deal in the first hours, and days and weeks. It will ease as time passes but you'll cry again in the months and years to come.

Just when you think you're finally over all the pain or regret you'll cry again. It's ok and you'll be ok. You're a remarkable person. You're strong and you're brave. You'll cry some more and you'll go outside and dance in the rain again. Be prepared to be there for your children because they'll go through the same.

Perhaps we should all buy shares in Kleenex.

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