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through to comfort us. They took us back up to the same cold ultrasound room.

After many tears and prayers, the screens confirmed the same findings as the night before. No heartbeat. No movement. They were dead.

We proceeded to a delivery room. We were placed in the same room that we were in after the birth of Isaac. It all seemed so ironic, so dreamy, so nightmary. They gave Lindsay pills and a drip to induce labor. They can use much stronger medicine when they do not have to worry about the life of the baby.

All I remember is waiting. Both sets of our parents visited. It was hard on everyone. At times when we were alone, I remember climbing in bed and hugging her, weeping uncontrollably. We spent periods weeping. Sometimes it was only one of us. Sometimes it was both of us. Other times it was one of our parents. All the time we could hear the cry of newborns in the background.

The delivery does not stand out much in my head. It was not until the 2nd full day in the hospital that they arrived into this world. They were so small and they came out so easy. However, seeing them was sort of a blessing and a curse.

This might be disturbing to those who have never given birth to stillborns. I do not mean to disturb, but I am sure if you have given birth to stillborns you can relate. We held them. We kissed them. We longed for them to be alive, to see their lungs move up and down with life. The hospital gave us a cute little basket to place them in. They sat there at the foot of the bed for a while. Their bodies were with us about three hours in all.

The basket seemed like the basket Moses was placed in. Although they were really taken, we had to reach the point where were comfortable with giving our babies to God. At the risk of being a heretic, we baptized them. It wasn't for their salvation. It was just a crazy idea that I came up with that would be an outward sign to God that we were okay with him taking our babies. Our parents and Isaac joined us in the room as we sprinkled the babies and shared a prayer together. I wept while leading prayer. Everyone understood.

That followed with times of uncontrollable weeping. Life was dreary. We went home. The sadness did not stay at the hospital. A local funeral home provided free cremation for our babies. We have their ashes in our living room and plan on burying them with Lindsay when she joins them on the other side of the grave.

Isaac was a blessing throughout the whole experience. Without him, it would have been much tougher. Although, with him, we knew what we were missing by losing the twins.
I remember going back to work. I would just weep when nobody was in the store. I went back too soon. Life seemed like it would never get back to normal. Every dream we had was ripped apart. Our future needed to be reconstructed.

Some friends had given us flowers. Some sent us money. Others sent gift certificates to restaurants. Our church provided us with meals. Some drove all the way to the other side of town to pick up my car. It was a time of being loved. Something we desperately needed. We were so thankful, and still are, of the support that was shown us during that time. The saddest days of our lives sort of shine because of the love showered on us by friends and family.

We named our next boy Elisha Zane. Elisha means "God is generous." Zane means "God's gracious gift." I am looking at him right now and he is a blessing we have that we would not have if we hadn't lost the babies.

In memory of Luke Alexander Clem and Logan Nathaniel Clem. We miss you though we never got to know you.

May this story be an encouragement to others who find themselves in similar situations.

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