by Rebecca Laffar-Smith

Created on: August 29, 2007

Single Parenting: How to deal with your ex's new love.

The breakdown of a relationship can be a tearful challenge and just when you think you are beginning to handle single life the ex finds love. All those feelings of failure and fear come rearing up again submerging us into pools of self-pity and regret. Unfortunately, when children are involved there is no way to simply avoid the happy couple and for their sake it is important to maintain a healthy and understanding relationship with your ex-partner and their new love.

Tip 1: Smile
Although you might be itching to rip her eyes out or punch him in the jaw, don't. Smile, even if you have to force yourself. Smiling is a fantastic way to alter your perception. With a smile on your face it is harder to focus on the negative, to feel hatred, pain or jealousy. It will also make it easier for others to associate with you and will encourage your ex and her new love to be amiable because they can follow your lead.

Tip 2: Avoid Jealousy
The truth is; you deserve better. If he's run off and got his secretary pregnant then she deserves your pity not the green eyed monster. If you ended the relationship then it is important to remember why you ended it. If you want her back then you should focus on yourself rather than tearing down her current relationship. Jealousy is a destroyer. It only makes you unhappy and if you act on some of those devious thoughts created by envy you will hurt people you care about.

Tip 3: Think of the Children
Your kids are the most important people that remain in your relationship with your ex. Her new boyfriend is a minor infraction on your life and the only reason she should ever be a problem is if the new love is a danger to the children. Most of the time children can get along with a step parent. They can even thrive in the loving care of one. This potentially valuable relationship can be damaged by biological parents and if you are the cause of that situation then the person with the most to lose is your child.

Tip 4: Be an Example
Having said that, remember that your children will follow your lead. Your reactions, comments, tone, and manner towards your ex and his new love may be mimicked by your child. Children want to be loved and may feel like forming a loving relationship with this new person will damage their relationship with you. Never use children as a playing card in your relationship with your ex. They aren't leverage and the best way to show them it's ok to accept their potential new

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