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You know you are in danger and you are scared. Take a deep breath and think. You know that you need to get out, but you are worried. Where do I go? How do I get there? How will I provide? What if he or she finds me? You need some help to decide what to do; you dont have to go through this alone.

1. If you are in immediate danger, get yourself and your children to a safe place and call 911.

When the police arrive, give them a statement. Make sure to follow their advice. If you can press charges and get a restraining order. If you cannot charge your partner, make sure there is a report on file. You may need this information for custody or if there is another violent incident.

2. Never allow yourself to think that your spouse has learned his or her lesson and things will go back to normal and do not be afraid to make it worse. The only thing these thoughts accomplish is showing your spouse that you are beat. This gives him or her the opportunity to continue the violence.

3. If you feel unsafe in your home, you need to leave at least for a while. Talk to friends or family to see if you can stay with them until the situation settles down and you can get on your feet. The local battered women's shelter will also be able to help you. These options will not only provide you with some safety and security (as well as witnesses), but will be able to provide you and your children some support when you need it most.

4. You need to make sure that any contact your spouse has with you and your children is well documented. This includes any situation of interest including phone calls, letters, or visits. In the documentation, be sure to include the date and time, duration of the contact, a list of witnesses, and details of what was said and occurred. Faxing or mailing these documents to yourself is helpful to prove authenticity. This will not only help to back up your abuse charges but in the divorce as well.

5. If your spouse tries to get back together with you, do not do it. It is unsafe to move back with your partner until he or she has received extensive professional help. Your partner needs to demonstrate to you that he or she understands the effects of the abuse on you and your family. Your spouse also needs to prove to you beyond all reasonable doubt that he or she has changed. If there are any doubts in your mind, do not do it. You may also be wise to talk to his or her mental counselor before making any moves is this direction.

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