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Breaking the news to your children about an impending divorce can be arguably more difficult than the divorce itself. As you prepare to talk to your children, you and your spouse must set aside your differences, suck up your courage, and confront your children as a unified front. As far as your children are concerned, you must deal with their anxieties as a team.

No matter your reasons for divorcing, infidelity, you've fallen out of love, it just isn't working, you must stop blaming and arguing. Your problems are your problems, you are about to introduce a whole new set of problems to your child. It's best if you and your husband discuss your divorce as a family. Gather all your children, and sit down together. Children are amazingly observant, so try to discuss things with them before your routine starts changing or before one of you leave the house.

When you tell your children about your divorce, be as honest as you can with them. Don't blame each other and without pointing figures spell out to your kids what is not working in your relationship. Being honest about the dissolution of your marriage prevents children from thinking it's their fault. Seeing you deal calmly with the reasons also prevents kids from pointing fingers and picking sides.

Be prepared for lash outs. Children will scream, yell, cry, blame and pick sides. Realize that these are just knee jerk reactions and your kids don't hate you. Stay calm and let them deal with their emotions.

When you tell them about the divorce, try and satisfy any questions they may have about how this will effect their lives. Let them know who they will stay with. Be sure to assure them of when they will see their dad or mom next. Spell out how things will change in daily life, and what things will stay the same.

Be honest about if they will be moving, staying in the same school, where their dog or cat will stay... Things that seem unimportant to you will seems catastrophic to little ones. The more they know and understand about how this will effect them will make any transitions easier. The more they know, the less they fear.

Let your children have an opportunity to talk. Let them express anger, frustration or voice questions and concerns. The more you and your spouse stay calm and answer them honestly, the easier this transition will be for all of you. With so many divorces and nasty breakups, your children have inevitably seen friend's families ripped apart. Because they saw one vicious split, they may assume yours will be the same.

Give them time to process the information you've shared and talk about any misconceptions they have about divorce. Above all, realize that as much as your life is changing, your child is an innocent victim. Vow that you and your spouse will remain adult, be encouraging and patient with your children, and above all, never point fingers or talk bad about your spouse to your children or use them as pawns in your relationship.

Learn more about this author, Molly Carter.
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