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Tips for dealing with tears, yours and the kids

Even if your divorce was amicable and you both agreed that it was the best thing to do, it can still be very hard once your husband becomes your ex and you find yourself on your own.

You are bound to be emotional having lived for so long with the help and support of your husband. Now here you are alone with your children, having to make all the decisions and take all the responsibility for those decisions.

Whether your tears are those of losing a husband who you loved, or tears for your own isolation and responsibilities, they are tears that you need to shed. You are starting a new life as a single mother and, to begin with, it can be a very daunting prospect.

Seeing your children upset and crying only adds to your own tearfulness. You try to stay strong for them and not let them see your own tears, but an occasional cry with your children is not a bad thing. Most of your tears though, will be shed in private, allowing you to relieve stress, anger and frustrations, and allowing you to grieve' over the loss of your marriage.

Your children's tears will also be shed over frustrations, anger and the loss that they feel. They are possibly frustrated with themselves for not being able to keep their parents together. They may be angry at you, or both you and their father, for allowing this to happen and making everyone so unhappy. They too, will be grieving' the loss of their father from their home. They may cry and want a hug, or they may cry and shout with anger, but whatever reaction they have, they need to shed those tears and work through that anger, before they can come to terms with the separation and divorce of their parents.

Dealing with your own and your children's tears can be very hard. Remember that it is part of the healing process and is something that will pass. Having someone to help and support you through this difficult time can be a great help. Perhaps you have a friend, a parent, a sister or brother, or some other family member whose shoulder you could use to cry on now and again; someone to give you a much needed hug.

Your children too will need hugs and someone to wipe away their tears and reassure them that everything is going to be ok. If they are angry with you and your ex, then maybe they can get their hugs from their grandparents, or their own friends. Wherever they decide to turn, let them, don't be jealous; once they have worked through this they will calm down and come back to you for a very special hug.

Tears are a necessary part towards building your new lives. Allow them to flow, share your grief' and start anew.

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