The best way to handle the pain is to go through it. Tears are the evidence that our hearts were wrenched. It is the action that proves emotion, our deep set emotion, has been altered. We all have to go through something that causes us to be moved so deeply that we cry, tear, or weep. For example divorce or separation is awful, but we have to remember it is not the end of the world.

Society now breeds us to be dependent. We stake claim in this idea of freedom and yet we are bred to be emotionally dependent, physically dependent, and spiritually dependent. We haven't been taught to go through it. There comes a time when we need to accept it, embrace it, discard it and move on. Our pain that we go through is to make us stronger, to help us build character and to find our way to the next level in life. The idea we should aspire to find is OUR idea of Independence.

How we need to deal is to BE REAL. We must be able to be real with ourselves and our children. The pain of finding yourself alone, and worse seeing your children face the same loss is equal to death. The emotion becomes unbearable and we lose ourselves in the tears and pain. But be real. YES- the pain hurts. You fall off a bike and skin your knee- it hurts. You find out that your husband of 5 years has been cheating on you since before you got pregnant with your second child-it hurts! But we have to go through these things. As painful as it is, we MUST go through it. So, go ahead and have that cry. Let your children cry. Let your children cry with you. Comfort them, and let them comfort you. And be honest. I'm not saying to be ugly about how badly you feel you've been wronged. I'm not saying to down talk that dirty rotten scoundrel for hurting you or hurting them, but be honest. Every time we hold back our tears, we save it for later. The pain will last longer and the tears won't stop falling. Children should not have to deal with adult issues and / or ever bear that burden, but they can learn more from hearing the truth then they can from sugarcoated answers, denial or lies. They need you and your honesty. They need to see your tears to know that it's okay to cry. And later they're going to need to see you heal, to know that they can heal too. But in the beginning and maybe even for a long while it's going to hurt. But it doesn't have to hurt forever. Being real, having real answers and the truth, gives way to healing. Go ahead and stare that big ugly monster in the face, and tell him that you're going to make it. It may hurt like hell, but you're going to make it- one day at a time.

Learn more about this author, Charmaine Ragpala.
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