Death has always carried a mystery behind its walls for those of us who remain behind when our loved ones go. We hear of life after death experiences and are taught by religion what we may expect when this life ends, but most of us still have a deep uncertainty when it comes to death. We fear it, we fight it off. But in the end we cannot stop its inevitability.
When I was younger I heard about people dying and I was just as terrified as everyone else. I only had a few people close to me pass away, so it was something far-removed from my blissful ignorance. It's easy to believe yourself immortal when you're a child. As I got older, other people I knew died as well, and I was forced to recognize how mortal we all truly are.
Now I provide hospice care and am faced with death every day. I am never sure who will still be around when I do my rounds each day. Death carries away the people I have come to love; silently, slowly, sometimes painfully. I watch them reach the end and am blessed to partake in the strength they show; the love they have for family and life.
Some show fear-the unknown is unbearable to them. But that fear can't keep it away. I offer comfort, a release from their pain; a temporary reprieve from long suffering. I can make the end just a little more bearable for them. I get to see a little smile, a pat of my hand. Their eyes light up when I come into the room. That's when I remember why I chose this line of work.
As every week goes by my heart is changed by knowing these beautiful people getting ready to pass on to the next world. I am filled with their essence, and it makes me a stronger person-more loving, more understanding. I get to see the best and the worst in humankind.
I will always return; day after day, week after week. And my patients will be waiting for me, although their names and faces change. Some special souls stay with me and continue to share their love. Others I never got the chance to know better float out of my life swiftly and silently, their names and faces disappearing in the mists of my memory.
Each of them faces death in a new and private way. I step into the circle of love they create at the end of their days to see what they will make of it.
Learn more about this author, Amy Gunn.
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