The Good, the Bad, and the Bunny

We are now officially in the midst of the Holiday Season. Tacky songs will be played endlessly on the radio. Your usual change peddlers will be bumped off their corners by department store Santa wanna-bes with tripods. Shopping mall floors will be bathed in the blood of the American consumer (literally) and catch phrases we locked away in our mental filing cabinets last January will once again find their way into our vernaculars and be spat at everyone we pass on the street.

Perhaps the most clichd phrase you'll hear is "It is better to give than to receive." Sure, the little glow inside my four-chamber love muscle when I give something is nice, but it hardly seems to match the outright euphoria opening a well-chosen gift induces. This got me wondering though: is giving really better than receiving? In the name of science (and my own boredom) I completed a little comparative analysis of the subject. I split the holiday season into 3 parts (before, during, and after gift-exchange) and assigned points as I saw fit.

Pre-Holiday Blitz: In the weeks before the holidays, you receive nothing yet purchase much. Obviously, giving has to win this round since there is no receiving. Wrong. A neurotic, 250-pound mother body-checking me into a Furby display to get at the newest Bratz doll isn't my idea of a good time (-1 for Giving). Nor do I enjoy charging my credit cards so heavily I'm afraid of being confused for a debtor when I come to work (-1 for Giving). However, I'm doing this all out of love and the desire to please (+1 for Giving)because my family is selfish (-1 for Family).

Holiday Hoopla: Here's where the debate gets tricky. In general, my brothers and I hate getting up early, but when it comes time for gift-exchange, we can make an exception. Everyone in my house falls out of bed wrapped in a blanket (+1 for Blankets), stumbles down the stairs (-1 for Stairs), has a nice mug of Irish coffee (+1 for Caffeine/Alcohol), and proceeds to swap nicely wrapped presents with each other. I consider the thrill of getting some new underwear and watching my mother opening the pack of Wintergreen gum I bought her about equal. Alright! (+1 for Giving & Receiving).

Post-Holiday Blah: You may think the whole Giving/Receiving issue is over after all gifts have been distributed, but it's really not. The days and weeks following the holidays are a time for reflection, not just regarding your failed life, career, and marriage (-1 for Life, Careers & Marriage), but also for all the bad gifts you were given. Anyone who has seen A Christmas Story, and thusly Ralphie's pink bunny outfit, knows what I'm talking about (-1 for Receivingbut +1 for A Christmas Story). But if you're lucky enough, you can return most of it and get something you really want instead (+1 for Receiving). Wal-Mart has a pretty good return policy (+1 for Wal-Mart). However, some things, like foresaid bunny suit, are expected to be displayed every time the giver visits (-1 for Receiving).

So for the those who weren't keeping track, the totals are: Giving 0, Receiving 0, Family 1, Blankets +1, Stairs 1, Caffeine/Alcohol +1, Life 1, Careers 1, Marriage 1, A Christmas Story +1, and Wal-Mart +1. I guess it just goes to show that nothing you give or receive this holiday season should make it more (or less) enjoyablebut if you're watching A Christmas Story while drinking Irish coffee under a blanket you bought at Wal-Mart, you're off to a pretty good start.

Learn more about this author, Kyle Issleb.
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