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"I hear that he cheated with her best friend."

"How long have they been split up?"

"This has been a long time coming."

"They must have stayed together for the kids!"

Comments and conversations such as this take place everyday and yet it really is none of these people's business. Human beings by nature like to know the dirty details. The main reason is very very simple. When we hear about someone else's troubles, it makes us feel better about our own lives. So when someone if having marital problems, people are just like a pack of wolves and your reputation and lifestyle are the prey.

There will no doubt be people that you think are friends and acquaintances that will want to know the juicy details and they won't come to you to discuss it. They will try to pry the information from others that perhaps you have confided in. So the first step is to know who you can have a confidential conversation with and who you can't.

Then tell the people that you are sharing these details to respond this way if anyone asks about your problems. "I'm just not going to talk to you about that. You will need to talk to ______(insert name) about that situation if you want to know that information."

My daughter has used this technique to deal with the gossip that surrounds a male close friend who may or may not be gay. People are constantly spreading gossip about him. When anyone asks her about it, that is her canned response. People just don't know what to say to that and abandon the topic.

In the event someone comes to you and directly asks you about the difficulty, there is nothing that says you have to tell them anything. Just tell them that you don't want to talk about it. You can express your thanks for their concern and then move on to a new subject.

Keep in mind that hopefully somewhere in the future, the details of this event will not be so raw. In the months ahead you may not be that concerned about whether anybody knows these details or not and hopefully by then they will have moved on to something else.

Learn more about this author, MJ Suttor.
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