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Whilst cheating on your spouse may be one of the most popular answers to the question "what things kill a marriage" there are other issues that, unless addressed and dealt will properly can also have the same result. In fact many of these problems will be far more devastating than infidelity.

One of the threats to a marriage that seems to develop over time is the ending of courting. Spouses of both genders can reach a stage were they stop showing the love and affection they feel toward their partners. Both of the partners in a marriage need love and support from the other spouse and, in this respect, the failure to show how much they are valued can lead them to believe that they are no longer valued or needed in the relationship. This can easily kill a marriage as the neglected spouse may be tempted to look elsewhere for their self-esteem and needs to be fulfilled. Similarly, there is often a tendency to ignore the problems that might occur in a marriage, as if this will make them disappear, which will not happen. Problems do not resolve themselves, at least not in the way that one would hope. If there is a problem, face, unless you want to run the risk of losing your marriage partner.

Another real risk to a marriage occurs where one or other of the partners, if not both, allow external problems and issues drown the relationship. This can easily occur when someone is involved with a particularly difficult situation at work and, instead of finding that their partner is there to help and support, or even asking them for such support, find themselves isolated and spending so much time with this issue that they forget about the marriage. There is a need to support each other in stressful time, but it is also important to recognise that relationship must also be maintained, no matter what crisis affect it, or the partners.

When sexual intimacy becomes infrequent or non-existent in a marriage, this is a sure sign that there is trouble in the relationship. If allowed to continue, it will surely destroy the marriage. Don't ignore the signs or the frustrations that lack of intimacy sends! The right level of intimacy in a marriage is important to keep the bond between the two partners strong and healthy.

Festering hurts a marriage. We are all guilty of sometimes hurting even those we love dearly. Often, when that hurt is recognised, there will be an apology given, but how many times do we really sit down and think about what caused the hurt and try to not cause the same hurt in the future? Likewise, how often does the partner who has been hurt really forgive? It is easy to say the words, but far more difficult to forgive and forget but, unless this happens it can fester and will, if left unresolved, can fatally damage the marriage. We should look for any signs of this festering in our partner and, if they occur, seek to sit down and talk them through rationally, without resorting to recriminations or blame.

Often, any one of the issues outlined above can also lead to a position where one or both of the partners will start to withdraw from the relationship, protecting themselves from further hurt and pain. Their expectations from the marriage and other spouse will change and therefore, as they begin to expect less from the marriage, they will put in less effort to keep it alive. Like a fires that is not fuelled will wilt and die, so a marriage that is not fed with the right ingredients of love, understanding, communication and affection will go the same way.

If you want the marriage to work it is important that both of you work individually and together to keep it alive and fresh.

Learn more about this author, Paul Lines.
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