5 of 15

Write now Article Tools

W8! Wut Iz Dis Nu Inglish Ol Bout!

This is the year 2015 (I know it's not but would you be kind enough to play along with me?). So, I've had the privilege to flash forward 10 years in time. Humans are flying, babies are laid in eggs, and man has mingled with his fellow extraterrestrials. I'm scanning our university's digital library, looking around for a few good reads. I come across a series of "Classic Bux". Oh! "Gr8 Xpectashons", by Tsharlz Dikenz. I should probably borrow that. Or wait should I go religious, and perhaps read "Da Bible"? I therefore try sending an SMS to know my friend's whereabouts, and get her opinion on my choice of books.

"Where are you?" I write down. Send. A minute later I get this message: "Wut didja say?!" clearly expressing her ultimate understanding of what I had just sent.

I feel that I might as well have scribbled gibberish and sent it her way. Or possibly, a Shakespearean "Where art thou?" would have done the trick too! "How could I have possibly missed the prospect of a slaughter of the English language?" I ask myself. The SMS and Chat Revolution (SCR) has finally taken its toll on us, and our languages!

Disgusted, I return back to our present times.

Just for the notice, this was not so much better. In case you're old and have been living in a cave for so long, I advise you to read on carefully and attentively. This revolution is not a silent one, but rather one that annoyingly beeps, vibrates, sings, and cries out!

I look around, trying to scan my fellow humans' minds, attempting to figure out their needs. How deep and stunning! It's like we are all having an utter irresistible need to abbreviate! You know living life on the fast lane, in the midst of this toiling and busy world must be really hard. So, instead of writing "girl" for example, we save light years by simply writing "gurl". And I love the logic behind this. Such a new innovative theory has to be introduced in "Da How 2 manage ur time' buk"! Unfortunately, such equal-character-word changes don't occur much, but the fact that they do just reflects how sharp we homosapiens really are! (All sarcasm intended!)

But wait could it be that we do not simply wish to abbreviate the word, but rather embellish it? If this is the case, would it mean that the "i's" could be dotted with tiny hearts now, and the O's could turn into smug smiley faces? I stop, concluding that some questions are better left unanswered.

"Change is bound to occur." How very philosophical! But it's even more insightful when change eats up characters, and diminishes languages into cheaper products. Soon enough, we could be speaking in the manner we write. Therefore, I wouldn't want to ask a friend any longer "How are you?" This lingers on and on, taking so much time to come out of my system. So I could just cough up a simple and very a-la-mode "HRU?"

Plus, if our language keeps on contracting, we would all easily get jobs in "mime" plays and circuses too! So why talk, if we could abbreviate everything down to a body-says-it-all level?

We are truly witnessing the final countdown for the English Language. 321and it's as extinct as flying pigs! So der u go. Wut r we 2 do now?!

P.S: Throughout this article, I did not mean to offend or leave out the French language. I hereby clearly admit that you, French, are getting wiped off too. "J'mxcuz!"

Learn more about this author, Michelle Kasdano.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about The decline and corruption of the English language?
We want to hear your view. Write now!