2 of 15

Write now Article Tools

The first year, and particularly the first few months, is going to be the most difficult time after divorce. You have to learn to be single again. Being alone again after being married, possibly several years, can be a very lonely feeling. Even if you have children living with you, you can still feel lonely.

These first months are a time of adjustment, getting used to the situation, for both you and your children. It's going to be a difficult time, not only emotionally, but perhaps also financially. You also have the fear of all the responsibility: for your children, for your home, for yourself. There is no longer anyone there to help you make decisions, the responsibility is all yours.

This can be a very emotional time, not only for you, but for your children as well. They are going through the same changes that you are. They are used to having both their parents at home and will miss the one who is no longer there. They may feel guilty and blame themselves for your divorce. They may get angry at you and blame you for the upheaval in their life. As well as your own frustrations and fears you have theirs to deal with. Only you will know the best way to deal with your children, but generally the only things they really need are love and reassurance from both their parents and although it can sometimes be quite a long process, gradually things will settle down.

Lots of changes will have to be made and when you are first divorced this can all seem overwhelming. Finances will probably be one of your top priorities; sorting out whether the money you have coming in is going to pay the bills. You may need to find a better paid job, or a full-time job if you only worked part-time when you were married. You'll have to then look into child care and weigh up all your options. Having to deal with all of this on top of the divorce is a very daunting prospect.

My way of dealing with things is to write a list, in order of priority, and work through the list one at a time, forgetting about the other things on the list until it is their turn to be dealt with. I find this a good way of taking a lot of the stress away. A whole list of things to sort is frightening, but just having one to deal with and think about is easier to handle. It's not possible to do it all at once. Sort your life by dealing with little slices at a time.

As the year progresses you will be able to look back at the things you have achieved and know that you have achieved these on your own. You can begin to feel proud of yourself. You have survived those first difficult months, worked your way through your list of priorities, worked hard to sort out your job, home and finances and have helped your children through this difficult time. The end of the first year is in sight and you can begin to enjoy your new freedom.

Learn more about this author, SusanBailey.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Single parents: How to get through the first year?
We want to hear your view. Write now!