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When my baby was born she was in hospital for a week after suffering respiratory problems during the delivery. I stayed in hospital for 4 days then was sent home without her. My fiancee and I spent some time in the special care nursery with her before we went home and I cried uncontrollably. I did not want to leave without my baby. The midwives, social worker and my all tried to comfort me saying I would be back to see her in the morning and she was in good hands until then, I could go home and get a good nights sleep, I would be able to see my puppy who was missing me etc etc etc but I just didn't want to go.

4 days later we brought our baby girl home and 2 days after that I was curled up in a ball on the lounge while she cried and cried and cried and I wished she was back in hospital.
At first my fiancee expected me to be able to do everything. He told people what a great mum I was and how well I was handling everything. A few times he came home from work and calmed down the screaming baby while I sat there and thought "well since you're so good at it and can handle working 9 hours a day then coming home and looking after the baby I'll leave her with you and go live with my mum". Then straight away I would think what a bad mum I was to even have those thoughts.
After 2 or 3 weeks of me having these types of thoughts and periods of balling my eyes out for no apparent reason my fiancee and I had a talk about how I was handling being a mum and if there was anything he could do to help. He said he didn't expect the house to be spotless, he was prepared to wait for his dinner and that the baby came first. This was a big help to me because I could just concentrate on the baby without having to feel guilty about not getting the dishes done. I also let him take over occasionally when it all got too much for me. It was great to just be able to sit and watch him with her and not do anything for half an hour.
It was only after I had worked through all of this with my fiancee that I found some articles about post partum depression, baby blues etc and realized that that was what I had one through and that it was perfectly normal. This type of thing was never mentioned to me by my doctor or midwives so when I was going through it I thought it was just me not being able to cope with a newborn baby.
Remember, there are so many new mums who go through postpartum mood swings, you are not alone. Talk to your partner, (who will hopefully be as good as mine)and ask for help if you need it.Your doctor and/or clinic nurse will also be able to help you and maybe put you in contact with other mums who have survived it. Sometimes even just reading about other peoples experiences on websites like this will help. But most of all, remember you have a beautiful baby who loves you more than anything in the world and know you will get through it very soon. My little girl is now almost 5 months old and I cherish every minute I get to spend with her.

Learn more about this author, Toni Want.
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