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Guide to Parenting Adoptive Children

I have three adopted children ranging from 13-7 years old. I spoke with all of them as I was beginning to write this article. Some of the answers I got surprised me and others didn't. I guess the one thing that continues to affirm some of the decisions we have made is how open our children and I are about their adoption.

The one thing they are very passionate about is the openness we have always had about their being adopted. They have never known any different. Adoption is such a special way to have a family we have always spoken about it in such a positive way. There was never a time that we have to decide "when" to tell them because it was as natural to us as pregnancy is to others.

My oldest says he doesn't think he would have ever forgiven us if we had lied to him. Each one of our children knows the first name of their birthmom and the basic information that I have about each one of their birth families. There are questions each one of them has that I will never be able to answer but I'm always honest and I simply tell them "I don't know."

Two of the three have never asked to meet their birthmoms however my 13 year old started asking to meet his birth mom around 12 years old. I have had to say no of course but have promised that when he is 18, if he still wants to find her I will do everything I can to help him. He really doesn't understand why he has to wait but as his mom I'm willing to have him frustrated with me for protecting him then for him to be devastated if his birthmom rejects him. He has brought up questions asking "wonder if she dies before I'm 18?" I try to be very sympathetic and do understand his urgency to meet her but I also know he has a long way until he is mature enough to understand the impact of both the possible rejection he may face or the acceptance he may face.

People ask me all the time if I feel threatened or if I would feel threatened if he found her. The answer is a very heartfelt and clear no! I'm his mom and I'll always be his mom. There will always be a bond between he and his birthmom as well as questions I just can't answer for him. But what makes me smile every time I see him is the obvious love he has for me and the unsurpassable love I have for him. No matter what his questions and feelings are for his birthmom I'm the one who he cries with when a girl breaks his heart. I'm the one he looks for when he dives and catches a ball at second base, I'm the one he calls from school because he forgot his books and regardless of what friends he is with, I'm the one he says "I love you" to each and every time he leaves the house or before he hangs up the phone.

Learn more about this author, Kerry Johnson.
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