~ Glossary of Terms for Parents ~

INFANT - a small toothless puffy eyed, homosapien that resembles a little old man.

TODDLER - A Mobile semi-toothless angelic looking, wide eyed homosapien with a secret agenda, which would include the plotting of the adoring parents' first psychotherapy session.

PARENTS -refers to the biological or adoptive victims who have purposefully sentenced themselves to a lifetime of tears, puberty, laughter, love, and college tuition payments until death do them part!

GRANDPARENTS - Evil, indirect biological donors who spoil the wee ones and fill them with sinful things like sugar and then return them to their unsuspecting parents.

AUNTS AND UNCLES - Bio-hazards that will spoil your children even more than grandparents, and will smile and embrace your child when they make mommy or daddy crazy, just for payback from some childhood prank that you may have played on them when you were younger. Does sibling rivalry ever die? Perhaps some time around the age of 50, or when someone needs a lung or kidney.

SANITY - That which slowly dissipates over time, beginning with birth of the first child.

NO - Usually the term used with small children to denote that they are not doing something that they should or that they cannot have something that they want. This word is usually picked up by small people somewhere between the age of 1 and 3 and is used frequently when parents ask a child to complete a task. Usually to pick up their toys.

VACATION - An ancient term used at one time for families who would travel to distant locations to enjoy their family and friends.

'TIME OUT' - Some ridiculous practice that some idiot who probably doesn't even have any children came up with (most likely cause he didn't like to be smacked on the bum as a child) This practice could more effectively be used for parents to take some time to rest and regroup every few years.

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER A prerequisite for all parents, with 2 or more children, to aid and assist with the maintenance of sanity throughout a child's metamorphic stages.

POTTY TRAINING - The definition of this term varies depending on which child you may be referring to. The term can run from
a) an easily facilitated instruction on how to potty and poopie through the utilization of the toilet bowl; to
b) I finally gave up the whole process and I'm going to purchase stock in Pampers anyhow; to finally..
c) No.. the kitty cat is not your mommy

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