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Grocery store shopping isn't so bad, due to the fact that my wife and I tend to zip in and out since neither of us really cook and it's not so difficult to pile up on frozen pizzas and Banquet TV dinners. Department store shopping, on the other hand, is a different story.

I spent the better part of last Sunday evening in a Target store while she grabbed a cart and zipped away, which to me is kind of like waiting in a Doctor's office for a rectal exam - I know it has to be done, but in the end it's going to cost a small fortune and I'll be walking funny. The reason I walk funny when leaving the Target store is that they have these hard plastic seats in the snack bar that kill my butt and it's kind of hard to walk to the car when you have a dead butt. I must sit in the snack bar seats though, because after entering the store I peruse the electronics department before heading to the music and DVD section and after I've checked out these areas, which takes about ten minutes, I go sit down. Only an hour and a half left!

I'm not so out of shape that I NEED to sit down after ten minutes - it's just that there's no point in wandering around looking at toothpaste, lamps and clothes for the duration of my visit. I'd rather sit up front and watch people come and go, and the only seats available are the snack bar death seats from hell. When we entered the store and split off to go our separate ways, she headed for the clothes while I headed for the electronics, and she was still in the clothing area when I sat down in the snack bar. I know this because we have cell phones and I called to let her know where I was, just in case she suddenly decided to grab the first thing she sees and then - HAHA! - leave.

But she won't do that because we need things, and SOMEBODY in this family has to invest some time into finding them, determining what's going to be the best deal, and then return to the shampoo section just before checking out because we'd forgotten the conditioner. Yes, I said WE, because apparently I can sit right there in the snack bar section, watching people come and go, and forget all kinds of things.

I must give her props, or kudos, or whatever one must give one's wife when she works so hard to get the best deals AND makes sure we have what we need AND she reads my articles. Yes, I would certainly not be the best candidate if our two cats held an election and decided which one of us, Mommy or Daddy, was going to go to Target for kitty litter and cat treats. If elected,

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