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Whether it is lipstick on the collar of his shirt or messages left on his voice mail, the proof is undeniable. Your husband is cheating, but the biggest problem is how to cope with that knowledge. Whether you choose to work through it or move on, the effects of cheating are devastating and will last forever. Time, space, self-examination, and patience are necessary to work through this strenuous time.

Allow yourself time to grieve. The reality that your husband has been deceitful hits you like a freight train carrying with it the life and love on which you have based your entire life. It is the loss of trust, love, honesty, and dependability. It hurts so badly because the one person you trusted most in the world betrayed you. It is hard to comprehend the idea that your entire life and relationship was built on a shaky foundation of lies. Infidelity forces you to go back to the beginning and start over again. Without dealing with the devastation first, the past will overshadow any progress made in the future whether it is with your partner or someone else.

Remaining in the middle of the situation only complicates matters. You need to have space to give yourself a chance to deal with your feelings. If the two of you are together, it is a guarantee that the two of you will be arguing or that he will be trying to "make it all better". The confusion and shock of this earth shattering development make it difficult to know precisely what your opinions really are. You will feel hurt, angry, betrayed, and lose your self-confidence. Taking time to be on your own will give you the chance to cry, scream, holler, and vent without adding to the negative effects of cheating.

You will also need to decide what to do about the situation with clear and certain thoughts. Making careless mistakes at this point will only further imbed the effects of the adultery. First, you will need to re-examine what it is you want out of life, who you are, are where you want to go. Once you have rediscovered this information, you will also need to answer some tough questions. Is the relationship worth saving? Does your husband truly understand what he did wrong and how it affected you and your relationship? If so, does he regret what he did? Are you both one hundred percent committed to work through this together no matter how long it takes or how hard it will be? If the answer is no to any of these questions, it might be best to end the relationship. Talking to a good friend or counsellor is a

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