by Steven May

Created on: August 24, 2007

STANLEY AND THE MAGIC PANTS

It was Stanley's first pair of Magic Pants. Ever since the first grade he had been obsessed with the idea of owning a pair. All of his friends had already owned three or four. Louie Boffo even had a pair that could make him fly. Okay, it was only short distances, but who wanted to walk to the fridge when they could fly?
Stanley had not expected much when he opened the May issue of Captain Adventure (the one where The Captain fought the Many Splendored Booby). He had been saving every penny from his job at World-Mart for the past six months, but he knew that even an economy pair was still beyond him. All the same, he rushed to the back page to see what wonders might be for sale. That's when he saw them The Miraculous Merwin's Magical Pants Company had new Magic Pants guaranteed to make you four inches taller. Okay, Stanley didn't need to be four inches taller. At 6'6" what he needed was to be four inches shorter, but it got him thinking; if Miraculous Merwin's could make pants to make you grow, why not shrink? He called the company and asked them if shrinking pants might be a possibility? As a matter of fact, they told him, they were already at work on just such a pair. Actually, they were about to begin the testing phase, and were looking for testers. Would he like to be one? It would mean getting himself a free pair when all was said and done. Would he ever!

He was a bundle of pure energy waiting for those pants. It drove his parents crazy.
When the UPS truck finally arrived, two weeks later, Stanley made it down the driveway and to the curb before the driver had even left his truck. Package in hand, he sprinted up to the bathroom and tore the package open. The pants were a nice dark blue. Yelling downstairs for his mom and dad, he kicked off his ordinary chinos. His parents came in shaking their heads. When they were kids they didn't need Magic Pants to make them happy. All they needed were three simple monitors: television, computer and GameBoy - that's all, and they were happy. Why couldn't kids today just be happy?
Stanley stood in front of the full-length mirror holding the Magic Pants. "Now watch this!" he squealed gleefully, and bending over pulled them on, all the while keeping his eyes fixed on the mirror. When he stood up, he had shrunk four inches. "Did you see that?!" Yes, very nice, his parents intoned as one, very nice. May we go now?
Stanley let them go. Parents, they just didn't get it.
The next morning he was up

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