by Diane Stacey

Created on: August 24, 2007

Affairs are often about more than sex. They can occur in any relationship, regardless of marital status. Statistically speaking, you might be shocked to read about the surveys and studies which have been done on this subject. Researchers tend to discover that men are more likely to stray, but women are equally as capable.

To understand the reason why people have affairs, we must first try to reach a consensus as to what having an affair really means. There are many varying interpretations; some very public, others private. While you may believe that gender is a big factor, it is not the only reason people look for an intimate connection outside the home. In reality, affairs are non-discriminating.

Men not only initiate other relationships but they actually look for opportunities to connect with candidates who can fulfill an unmet requirement in their life. For males, sexual fulfillment is a basic, biological need. When they get hungry, they can elect to either drive home for a dinner often controlled by someone else or they can go to a drive-thru restaurant and pick up a quick snack based on their own personal cravings. This can mean the difference of being in control of what they will experience and leaving the decisions to someone else.

Sometimes in established relationships, one person might be afraid of rejection if they communicate what they truly desire. The relationship may have been based on safe activities and they fear criticism and humiliation for wanting to step out of the norm. They are committed to someone who is fully integrated in their life and family as well. It may not feel safe for them to express themselves to the one they love, but a stranger's acceptance isn't really an issue.

It is my belief that men separate sexual activity from their relationships. They can separate love from sex, feeling these two concepts have complete different priorities and obligations. Their commitment made to their partner is about sharing their life, home and resources. It doesn't center around an intimate physical need, just as it's not based on their mate's ability to cook dinner.

There are nearly as many women engaging in this behavior as men. In my observations, it seems that females will frequently turn to another member of the family or a close friend for affection. If they feel neglected or unappreciated, it can affect their self esteem. At that point, they may be mostly looking for affection so they can feel valued and loved once again.

It does seem that

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