by Rebecca Laffar-Smith

Created on: August 23, 2007

Single Parenting: The First Year

You Can Do This
The most important thing to remember in the first year after losing a partner is that You CAN do this'. It can be overwhelming, daunting, and tear-filled but ultimately, you can do it. It will not be easy. Life will throw its curve balls and there will be days when even getting out of bed is a challenge but each moment strengthens you for the next. There will be days when you don't even notice that you're doing it all on your own, it'll just be, life.

You Aren't Alone
In time you will learn that you aren't alone. Humans are communal creatures and very few of us could be happy without others around. Sometimes it is easy to forget the friends and family who are there for us even when we can't see them. True inner strength isn't the courage to do things without help, but to be able to reach out for it when you need to. It is important to remind yourself that you can ask for help. You aren't expected to be wonder woman or super dad. You're just you, and your friends and family love you and want to help if you'll let them.

The Kids Are Always There
The wonderful thing about being a single parent is that the kids are always there. Of course, sometimes that's the least wonderful thing too. The kids are always there. It is reassuring to know that while it often feels like you're alone, you aren't. You can depend on your children to stand by you, and when it's hard they become a source of inspiration because for them, anything is worth it.

Tears Are Normal
No matter why you are now a single parent there will be tears; yours and the children's. Tears are completely normal and appropriate. Grief, even after a divorce rather than death is a healthy part of the coping process. Your whole family dynamic has changed dramatically and a large part of all your lives has been lost. Don't be afraid to let yourself cry, don't feel like you have to hide your pain from your children either. Being strong for them doesn't mean you have to pretend you don't hurt. Kids find it reassuring to know that they aren't the only ones who are sad. Talk together, share, and build a bond that is strengthened by your mutual emotions rather than destroyed by it.

Focus On Now
Finally, each day will bring its unique challenges and triumphs. The big picture can feel particularly daunting. Imagining how you'll cope when your daughter is fourteen or how you're going to toilet train you newborn son puts road blocks into your subconscious. These are worries you can confront when you reach them. For now, deal with each day as it comes. There is no predicting what might be around the next corner. The only thing you can promise yourself about the future is that it will get easier. Focus on today, face what is happening now and leave the future to tomorrow.

Learn more about this author, Rebecca Laffar-Smith.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.