When we first experience any tragic loss we have more than one anniversary to cope with. Our loved one is gone one day; two days; one week; one month; six months; one year. It is our first holiday, birthday, special day without them. Don't believe those who say it gets easier with time, because it doesn't, we just learn how to deal with it better. We will always miss them, and the second year is usually harder than the first year because by then the shock of their passing has started to wear off. There are also those special days in their lives when they would have celebrated that special birthday or anniversary. If it is a child, they would be graduating from college, getting married, having a special birthday, etc.

One of the best ways of coping with our tragic loss is to first Thank God that they were in your life. You could have gone through your whole life not knowing them. The more you love them the more of a blessing it was to have had them in your life. Remember they could have been someone else's parent, child, spouse, sibling and/or friend.

Another way to cope is to write down your feelings about them. It might even be helpful to write a story of their lives, even if it is to just pass it along to other family members so they will never be forgotten. They will live on earth as long as we remember them.

Join bereavement groups, which are very helpful because you can talk out your feelings and come to realize that many other people are sharing the same pain as you are. These groups help because you may help someone else by something you say and at the same time they may help you because of something they say. It would be beneficial to the family as well to speak of your loved one who has passed, but sometimes if is harder to do this. Just as they say the family that prays together stays together, the family that cries and remembers together will heal together.

Every religion has something special that can be done for a loved one who has passed. i.e. a special mass; a tree planed somewhere in their name; set up a scholarship in their name; hold a memorial dance to be used for a special charity or cause and or donate a gift to the charity of their choice or for research for the illness that took their life.

Get together with family and friends and celebrate their life by talking about them and all the special reasons they were so loved and such a wonderful part of your lives. Laugh about some of the things they did, you might find out that some of the ones that did not seem funny at the time can bring lots of laughter now, especially remembering some of their faults and forgiving them for having them.

For those of us who believe in life after death there is always the comforting thoughts that they are in a better place and watching over us and we will be with them again for eternity.

In my case I pick a sign for each one of my loved ones and can testify to receiving those signs from them on many of the special events in the family when they let me know that they are with us, helping us celebrate or just comforting us.

How we cope will be up to each one of us, do we sit in and cry on every anniversary or do we celebrate the fact that they were in our lives and we were truly blessed for having them become such a special part of us. Our loved ones will only be dead if we completely forget that they ever existed.

Learn more about this author, Frances Ruocco.
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