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If you are putting down your spouse or they are attacking you, there is no respect. Telling your spouse they are fat, lazy, or attacking them verbally will eventually lead to an end. Some use these methods to control, and isolate their mates in a sick and twisted attempt to keep them to themselves and it may work due to their spouses low sense of self worth, but the human spirit will often rise in the effort to survive and bolt from such a relationship. For years my first husband never attacked me directly, his criticism of me was more insidious, he focused his attacks on the way my sons did things, they couldn't wash the dishes right, they did other tasks incorrectly...yet it was I who had taught them to do the things, the ways they were doing them.

Physical Abuse is another killer, both literally and figuratively... There is never a justification for striking, kicking or otherwise battering another person. Abuse of any kind should never be tolerated, Physical, sexual or emotional, verbal abuse. Sadly many stay and tolerate these abuses much longer then they should or until it is too late.

The lack of honesty can also kill a marriage, even small deceptions can grow and wreak havoc... we tend to make excuses for our lies, but none of them are really any good. Still, you don't have to beat a person with honesty either.

Even positive things like changing oneself for the better can destroy a marriage if your mate is unwilling for you to change or needs you to be the way you were, unfortunately sometimes the person who was right for us at one time can be the wrong person for us down the road. Its helpful when your spouse is willing to keep up and change along with you, supportive of your growth, while growing themselves but there are no guarantees in life.

I am sure I have missed a few of the things that can kill a marriage, I just hope that one or two people can stop themselves from making these mistakes or if they see these things occuring in their relationship and they haven't married won't compound their sorrow by marrying when "the killers" are already present.

Learn more about this author, Carol Wise.
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