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The fairy tale has turned ugly, Prince Charming now fills you with fear dread and revulsion, and despite all best efforts the union cannot be saved. Movies have conditioned abused spouses to go for revenge, and some like the movie Enough' with Jennifer Lopez have actually suggested the only way to get rid of a spouse you truly fear is to physically hurt them.

Wrong! Violence breeds violence, and if you are not in immediate imminent physical danger from an abuser, here is how to leave.

1. Do it gradually. Gradually may mean over several weeks, several months, or even a year, depending on your circumstance.
2. Gather up all important paper documents. Your birth certificate, photo identification, Social Security Number and passport.

3. Start determining what is important to you in terms of personal belongings. A survey determined that most abused women who flee value such things as photograph albums and family knick knacks over furniture and real valuables.

4. Slowly start removing' things from the home that are important to you. Pack up and give to a trusted friend any small objects you want to take with you. If necessary do this when your spouse is at work.

5. Make contact with women's shelters. Even if you don't end up residing in one even temporarily, it will help to know the network of help that is available to you.

6. Take a photocopy of any assets your spouse may hold. The deed to the house, the car, or any business documents he may have detailing assets, you will need this for the lawyer later on.

7. Keep a suitcase packed. If you believe you will have to run, keeping a suitcase packed and stashed in the shed/garage for the moment you leave is a good plan.

8. Be extremely careful who you trust with your plans. The old saying is true, Watch your friends, your enemies can't hurt you' is true. If you are not completely sure that someone won't tell your spouse, do not confide in them.

9. If you work outside the home and believe you can trust your employer, tell them that you would like to be transferred to another office out of town/city/state or even country.

10. Try to accumulate some cash, get a second bank account your spouse knows nothing about, and change your emails and your current passwords so they cannot be accessed by your spouse after you leave.

Once the following have been accomplished it is often a case of waiting for the right moment' to leave. Your spouse goes away for a weekend seminar, a fishing trip etc etc. Now it's time to leave, and remember to leave your cell phone behind you and purchase another so you cannot be traced. Pay cash as much as you can, even if you have to cash advance every last one of your credit cards before you leave.

The abuse is over, your new life beginsenjoy.

Learn more about this author, Melissa D. Ing.
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