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At times our cut and thrust world of dog-eat-dog means that standards of etiquette and finesse appear to be falling. Unfortunately, to combat this we can no longer put people in the stocks and pelt them with rotten vegetables for the crimes of dinner table decorum. People right now are actually sipping soup from the wrong spoon, but that issue must wait for anther day as there are more pressing matters to attend to.

As a long-time real ale enthusiast I can fully appreciate that ritual and etiquette adds a great deal to the overall enjoyment of the beer drinking process. Unfortunately not everyone, it seems, is a rigorous follower of beer drinking etiquette which is why I wish to set the record straight once again.

What I beg of society is to once again raise the falling standards of etiquette to the art of serving beer. For how can we drink with etiquette if we are served with abrupt manners or in the lip-stick stained glass? Heaven forbid! Just by following these few guidelines can we forge back some shreds of dignity in this fading world in which we occupy.

Here they are:

1 The dirty glass: how has society dropped so low? On the most basic level, how can we view our beer through dirty glasses? The lipstick mark, the mysterious brown smudge, the dirty scuff, they are our enemies in the battle for the clean glass. Glasses should shine. A burly barman with a towel around his waist giving it a quick rub is all it takes.

2 The correct manner: drinking beer is a social thing. Friends gather after a hard day's work to unwind. Old acquaintances are brought back together over the humble pint and new friendships are forged. Therefore, a proper respectful manner is required at all times, respect the bar staff as you want the bar staff to respect you. Simply walking up to the bar and shouting out "pint" is not acceptable, and is not to be tolerated. The correct manner would be something like "pray barman may I trouble you for yon pint of best bitter, it is a most wonderful brew" and so the response would be something like "certainly sir, I would be pleased to be of service, it is a most comely ale, fine choice sir. I can tell you must be a most distinguished gentleman". And so the correct etiquette is observed.

3 The queue: sometimes when in a busy pub environment the standards of etiquette are strained to the limit. It is inevitable that on occasion queues may form. This is not a problem. Time and time again does this turn out into a "who can get served first

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