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The most important offensive stance a parent can assume is "the set of the jaw." It's a way of holding your head, focusing your eyes, and stiffening your chin line so that your children recognize, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they are dealing with someone who knows exactly what they want and has already decided how they are going to get it accomplished. It's the stance that says to the child, "I will not take no for an answer and any further rebellion on your part is not going to be good for you." If you don't know how to produce that look at a moment's notice, you need to learn. If will be infinitely valuable to you as you navigate through the toddler, 'tween and teen years.

If you lose control of your toddler, the situation will only get worse as time goes by. Ages 2 to 4 are incredibly formative; you simply must take charge and lay a proper foundation at a very young age. The sooner you get started, the easier it will be. No matter what form of discipline you use, you must convey to the child that there will be consequences for bad behavior and you must see to it that those consequences are implemented every time the child's behavior is unacceptable.

Little children have no sympathy for adults who don't know what they're doing. Their brains are not developed enough to allow them to feel sorry for you. So if you're in tears, they really don't care they want what they want, when they want it and no amount of crying, begging, bartering or pleading on your part is going to change their mind.

What they desperately need are immovable, definable boundaries PLUS someone with enough backbone to enforce the limitations that have been set. It makes them feel safe and it makes them feel loved. It will also make your day much less stressful. So, the next time you find yourself arguing with your three-year-old, set your jaw and take control of his safety and your sanity.

When my oldest son was about 11, we walked into church together one night still discussing some point of conflict he just refused to drop. We had been going at it pretty much all afternoon. He moved over to his circle of friends while I plopped down on a pew and turned to the person behind me, a friend who happened to have three college age sons of her own. "I don't know what I'm going to do with him," I said, expecting her to be completely sympathetic since everything about my persona at that moment screamed defeat. She looked at me intently and said, very slowly, enunciating each word with great emphasis,

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