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Gimme Gimme Gimme!
By: Your Company's CEO

Oh, hi there! Are you enjoying the company picnic? Too bad it has to be the last. Every penny counts in staying abreast with the competition, you know. Oh my! Is this lovely lady your wife? What is such a pretty thing doing with a bum like you? No accounting for taste, I suppose. Just kidding. Honestly though, in such a case the pleasure is indeed all mine. How about a little kiss? Gimme! Mmm... that was nice. I shouldn't even have to ask though, really; after all, I sign the checks that put the food on your table. I'm just a bit old fashioned, I suppose.

Sorry you guys missed the dinner cruise last month, but my yacht's only so big, you know. I've got to draw the line somewhere, and unfortunately that somewhere comes long before Division Managers. Oh, don't make such a face. I was just joking. And besides, I'll be trading in that old rust bucket soon for a hundred footer, so maybe we'll all be shipmates next year.

Say, you gonna finish that potato salad? Gimme Gimme! Just slide it onto my plate there. Mmm... that's good stuff. In fact, all of the food has been just delicious. Saved a few bucks in that department this time around since the lay offs and outsourcing. Less mouths to feed, don't you know. And it's not like we're going to ship a load of potato salad and burgers all the way to India. What's that? Oh yeah, the cow thing. Heh, strange world. But anyway, I assume you made a pretty tidy sum with your stock options on the whole deal, hmm? No need to thank me, really. Say, wouldn't that be neat if life were like a video game, and your bank account was like your score, and once you reached a certain amount of money you won a free life? What's that? You don't have stock options? Well, that's a shame.

Say, who's that hiding behind your wife's skirt? I didn't even notice him before. I didn't know you had a son. Luckily for him it looks like he inherited most of his mother's traits. Just kidding again. What's your name, young man? Hmm... looks like the cat's made off with his tongue. And he's shaking like a leaf! Funny, it's not cold out. Perhaps it has something to do with that ice cream cone he's been licking. Maybe I should just take the rest of that, then. Gimme Gimme Gimme! Mmm... chocolate, my favorite.

Well, it was nice seeing you and meeting your lovely family, but I've got to finish this gruesome duty of making the rounds with the rest of the rabble. See? Being CEO isn't all a bowl full of cherries. Just kidding! Enjoy the picnic!

Learn more about this author, Aleister Pinkbelly.
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