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Help! I've installed closed-circuit television, password locks, automated anti-intrusion mechanisms for my house and now I am dying of loneliness - no one can get into my house!

Ah, exactly. It helps to understand the ridiculous situation one would be in when he has created a firewall and accidentally rendered his network completely inaccessible as a result - more specifically, the one silly user is me.

Well some years ago, when I first got introduced to the world of the malicious Internet, where shady hackers roam and evil viruses rule, I was advised to use a firewall to fend myself against such horrors. Indeed, I soon found out that without a firewall, my computer was inaccessible even to me. Within minutes of installing my operating system on my computer (Windows XP), a dreadful pop-up box appeared with a countdown to shut-down my computer, which I could not control. The Sasser worm had hit me.

Once bitten, twice shy. After removing the Sasser via a third-party removal kit, I bought a subscription to ZoneAlarm Pro (it's quite good actually, despite what I may be testifying otherwise), and I switched on my desktop and waited for ten minutes.

Excellent - no pop-ups, no viruses, no trouble, or was it?

I opened up my web browser. "Error 404" greeted me upon the latter's opening, as it continued to stalk me when I attempted to move on to other websites.

I opened up my instant messaging client. "Connection failed" cut me off from the world to live a life of virtual isolation (don't mind the pun), darned.

Using some logic, I compared the situational differences and realised that the firewall was the only change I did to result in this effect. I fumbled a little with my firewall manual - trying page after page after page of troubleshooting tips and configuration walkthroughs, I finally gave up. Nothing worked.

For the next few days, I gave up on Warcraft and America's Army and played Minesweeper instead - yawn, that was really boring. Out of desperation, I finally called up Zone Labs for support.

Out of embarrassment, after the patient customer service officer explained nicely to me how to solve my problem, I hanged up without thanking him. Reason? It was so simple.

I had hit, accidentally, the day I installed my ZoneAlarm, the "Internet Lock" function - oh my gosh, pure stupidity. Thus far, I trust that my testimony is about complete, I shall spare you of my further stupidity.

Familiarize yourself with your remote control, or else don't whine when you can't switch on the TV.

Learn more about this author, Ajani Mgo.
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