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Be thankful for fireworks. I know I am.
You see, I was born in Omaha, Nebraska. When I was ten, my family moved to Aurora, Colorado. When I was 18, my family moved back to Nebraska and settled in North Platte. Upon hearing this most people tell me that I was better off in Colorado. They then proceed to pity me for now living in a relatively rural area of a usually unremarkable state. Most of the time I willingly accept their pity. Colorado, of course, has Denver, a large city with much to do. Nebraska's largest city is Omaha, which at best is only half the size of Denver. Colorado has vast forests atop majestic mountains. Nebraska, although home to its own forest of two, simply can't compare to the natural beauty of the Rocky Mountains. Colorado has internationally renowned ski resorts. Nebraska has nothing that compares. Colorado has numerous professional sports teams (Go Rockies!) Nebraska, although having a college football team that the entire state revolves around, has no professional sports. Yes, it would seem that Colorado would be the much better place to live...except for one reason. There is one thing that Nebraska has that Colorado does not...Fireworks!

It is my humble belief that there is no greater holiday than Independence Day. The good old 4th of July. As a Christian I am obligated to say that officially, I believe Christmas to be the most important holiday, but when it comes to secular celebrations, nothing beats the 4th. However, it was not until I had returned to my native Nebraska, after spending eight years in Colorado, that I truly understood and appreciated the glory and joy of Independence Day. Why you ask? Because in Nebraska fireworks are legal, and in Colorado they are not.
I know it's hard to believe, but trust it's true. Some states actually have a ban on the use of fireworks, and Colorado is one of them. Aside from the snakes, throwing snaps, smoke bombs, and all the childish fireworks that a true connoisseur of fireworks would not be caught dead using, one can't legally buy or use fireworks in the state of Colorado. Moreover, they are not alone. Other states have similar bans. How this is not an infringement of our Constitutional rights, I don't know. It seems to me that our forefathers fought and died in the revolution so that we might someday freely express ourselves with blackcats, artillery shells, and bottle rockets!
Now the Colorado state government, and other state governments with similar fascist leanings, will try to

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