Simple: pay someone fifteen dollars to do it for you. You will see that it is absolutely ridiculous to do this yourself when you can have someone else do it so affordably. Think Grease Monkey or Jiffy-Lube or think about taking the following instructions very seriously.

The most important thing you must understand and take into the core of your belief system is this: you must not get underneath your car while it is suspended on a jack that operates on leverage. Never. No. If your jack is the type that you pump up and down and that 'clicks' with each new level of elevation, you must not wriggle underneath your car to do anything. These jacks are prone to failure and tumbling over. Do not become a statistic with your chest punctured by a mounting bracket when you car falls on you.

If you must do this yourself, you will need one of two things: a car jack that operates on hydraulics or jack stands. A hydraulic jack is safe to use when you are under your car, because it won't fall and it won't fail (as long as your kid doesn't come outside and release it while you are under your car.) The better thing is to use jack stands: supports that your car rests on, instead of your car jack. They sell jack stands that are little ramps that you drive up and onto, and they make them that you setup under your axle after you've got the car jacked up. Either way, you either drive up there and put your car into 'park' or jack your car up and put the jack stands in place and then release your jack and let your car down onto these devices and you don't have to worry about losing your life when your jack falls or fails.

Safety first. Next, go buy your new oil filter (before you jack your car up, dummy.) and enough quarts of oil to satisfy the specifications in your owner's manual-4 to 8. And, purchase an oil filter wrench and an oil pan. (Fifteen dollars is sounding pretty good about now, right?)

Locate your car's oil pan, under your car. It is a reservoir, like a gas can, except it is relatively flat and it is under the main part of your engine. There will be a bolt on the bottom with a regular, hexagonal head (six-sided) which you must remove. When you remove this bolt, the oil (maybe hot if you just returned from the auto parts store) will start flowing out of the hole which this bolt occupies, so make sure you have your portable oil pan (to catch the oil) under your car's oil pan. The oil will start coming out as you are tuning the bolt, so you

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