by Carol Gioia

Created on: August 19, 2007   Last Updated: March 21, 2008

Verbal communication skills come naturally to some, while for others it takes practice to have a smooth conversation with almost anyone about almost anything. We all want to be considered friendly. Not overly friendly, just enough of a conversationalist to be comfortable as we make our way in the world. Each time we leave our home we come into contact with others. Whether they are coworkers, neighbors, vendors or brief encounters on the street, our verbal exchanges with others can make or break our day and mood.

The obvious way to begin a friendly conversation is with a smile. We can make a comment about the situation we share. "Looks like it will rain." The person you are attempting to engage will probably agree with a brief "yes, it does." Continue on a positive note, "I love summer rain, it's so good for the grass and flowers." This opens up the possibility of a conversation about flowers, landscape, yard work etc... Another good opening is to notice and comment on something the person is carrying. "I see you are reading Don Gabor's book on how to start a conversation. I've been intending to read that book myself." The idea is to nudge the conversation along until you are actively engaged and finding common ground on which to build. Introduce yourself and when your companion does the same, continue to use his/her name as you converse. Compliments are also a good ice breaker, but only give sincere compliments.

The following three basic rules will guide you into reciprocal conversation in any situation. Stop, Look and Listen.

* Stop. Once you have the person talking, stop talking about yourself and practice active listening. Don't be thinking of the next thing you want to say. Don't interrupt or finish the other person's sentences. Make your own Replies in short sentences and don't get off on tangents about yourself. Show more interest in what the other person has to say than showing off what you know. If you find yourself carrying most of the conversation, a good segue back to your companion is, "But, enough about me...." Avoid phrases like "you should", "you need", "you must", for they are sure conversation killers. You do not want to appear patronizing or arrogant. You also want to avoid use of the words "always" and "never" as they conjure up a rigid attitude. Your goal is to be upbeat and positive and to send the message you'd like to have an exchange of thoughts and you are open to the possibility of continued friendship.

* Look. Be aware of your body language.

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>