Losing a child is the hardest thing a parent can ever face. I speak of this from first hand experience: I lost my son two years ago to cancer. When he was first diagnosed, the doctors basically told me to take him home and help him die because it was so advanced that he had no time. Talk about devestation! Thankfully a doctor at that hospital refused to give up on my son. He transferred him to a different hospital, and proceeded to do everything in his knowledge to try to help my son beat this dreadful disease. My son fought bravely for 18 months and then lost his battle. I had been given an extra 18 months with my son thanks to that wonderful doctor who refused to give up without a fight.

When a parent loses a child, they are filled with such a sense of loss, as though part of their own body is missing and it takes a very long time to digest the fact that this piece of you will always be gone. You don't want to hear about your child being in heaven-at first you don't even believe in heaven, you are so filled with grief, and anger, and even hatred toward God. At some point you even doubt His existence, especially if your child has been on a million prayer lists.

You don't want to talk to anyone, but knowing that there is someone you can talk to who will allow you to feel your grief, and cry if you need to without judgement or empty words, is one of the greatest helps a grieving parent can have. Being hugged is a comfort, and will often help release all the rage and tears that you are trying to hold inside, because you feel that you have to be strong.

When you lose a child you do suffer extreme bouts of depression, so much so that you can barely allow yourself to live. If you see your friend sinking make sure you try to talk to them, to convince them to get help. About 6 months after I lost my son, I had two friends who came to me and told me they felt I really needed to seek help. I couldn't see anything wrong, but they could. I took their advice and went to see a doctor, and when I practically turned into a blubbering nutcase in front of him, he put me on medication to help me. It wasn't until about 6 weeks of being on the medication that I began to realize how low emotionally I had sunk. You don't see how bad you get until you start to feel better. If my friends had not cared enough to make me look at what was going on I may not have made it through this. I remember many days where I didn't even want to get out of bed, just wanted to close my eyes and never wake up.

Support for a parent who is grieving is a very hard thing to do, because you want to do so much, but the only thing you can do is be there for them. Be there for them to cry with, to laugh with, to talk with, without judgement, but always keeping watch for signs of trouble so that you can steer them back to learning to live without their child.

Learn more about this author, Holly Hixson.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about How to offer support to those who face the death of a child?
We want to hear your view. Write now!