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For every big, juicy, red tomato in my garden, there's about five BIG, but not quite as juicy green ones. I am a fan of the movie *Fried Green Tomatoes* with Kathy Bates and Jessica Tandy, but even after seeing that movie 25 + times, I never had any desire whatsoever to try fried green tomatoes. It sounds gross; they look icky; you're not, as a rule, supposed to eat things that are not ripe, so it never occurred to me to locate a recipe.

That all changed in the summer of 2001 when I was chosen to attend a Journalism Teacher's Institute in Austin Texas. Among many other wonderful things about the city of Austin, I was able to eat dinner and watch a killer concert (The Old 49s) at a BBQ joint and music venue called Stubb's. I hate barbecue joints. However, I have nothing bad to say about Stubb's. I love their smoked chicken, collard greens, mmmmmmmm, and my friend ordered fried green tomatoes. Lemme just say ... de-light-ful. Mmmmmmmm MMMMMMM mmmmmmmmm MMMMMMMMMM. Yum.

So this summer, when I saw the overabundance of green tomatoes, I decided to give it a try. I found four recipes, and decided to morph them into my own thing. I made a giant batch, so you may want to cut this in half. This recipe will make enough for a dozen people to have at least two tomatoes each. Here it is:

Crunchy Fried Green Tomatoes

1. Start with six plump green tomatoes. Slice them and set each slice on top of at least two paper towels. Keep stacking the paper towels each time you add a new row:

2. After they are sliced, and particularly if you or your kids have been eating a banana, take a load out to your compost heap.

3. Next, take one paper towel's worth of slices and salt and pepper them on one side.

4. Now, you will need a pan (I use a wok) and some tongs.

5. You will also need a cup and a half of milk, (I like skim, local, with NO nasty hormones)

6. around two cups of flour,

7. four eggs, whisked with a fork,

8. about two cups of instant potatoes,

9. around a cup or so of olive oil. (It does make a difference. Olive oil has the best flavor. Do not succumb the the allure of cheap oil!)

10. Put the oil in your pan or, in my case, wok. Turn the burner on medium heat.

11. Then, place the milk, flour, eggs, and instant taters in separate containers all next to each other. I think of it as an assembly line. I've aranged mine from right to left towards the stove. I have a very small kitchen, so I'm limited with how I can arrange things.

12. You will dip each slice in each of the above-mentioned ingredients. First submerge the slice in milk, then dip both sides in flour, then both sides in the egg, then both sides in instant taters. (Some recipes called for corn meal, or just the flour only. I chose instant potatoes because I love taters and thought it would add an extra crunchiness, which turned out to be quite true.)

13. Prepare a plate with more paper towels. You'll have to layer these too.

14. My wok allows for four nice sized slices at a time. Put as many in as you can because it takes forever and you'll want to eat them as soon as you can. In fact, go ahead, since you're working your ass off while everyone else is filing their nails, wrestling with the dog, or calling their friends, and eat one as it comes outta the pan. You deserve one piping hot tomato.

15. Cook them for like five minutes on each side, flipping with the tongs.

16. Once they've been in the pan for about 10 minutes or maybe even less (they should be golden brown) take them out and place them on the paper towels. Repeat process until every dang-blasted green tomato is cooked.

17. Serve, eat, soak in the glory of being everyone's favorite chef.

De-lish.

Learn more about this author, Jay Morgetron.
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