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Divorce is traumatic for everyone, but no one suffers more than the children. While, as adults, we are angry and hurt, we have had some measure of control over our relationships. The children have had no such power. Therefore, special care should be taken when talking with them about the situation.

The mistake that most parents make is telling their children what led up to the divorce. I call this a mistake because it is impossible to tell your children about the mistakes made by you and your spouse without putting them in a position to feel like they should take sides. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong in this situation. What matters is making sure your children survive the divorce with the least possible emotion scarring. Instead of telling your kids that daddy was emotionally unavailable or mommy was a tramp, try telling them that mommy and daddy are better people apart than together. Let them know that it is nothing to do with them but is an adult situation that the two of you are addressing the only way you can at the moment. Also reassure them that you will both be available for them. Let them know that it doesn't change your love for them.

I was a child of divorced parents. My mother had custody and was constantly badmouthing my father. This made me feel like I had to choose a side. I was torn between my loyalty to my mother and my desire to defend my father. When I divorced my husband, the number one rule in my life was that NO ONE would speak badly of my ex-husband in front of my daughter, even though he had torn my life apart. Again, the most important thing for parents to remember is that your children are already suffering. There is very little you can do to take their pain away, but you can make sure that you do not make it worse.

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