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The first thing to remember is that your ex is precisely that: your ex. She is part of your past. Whatever you once had between you is no longer there. You are both moving on with your lives.

Of course it can be difficult and awkward for everyone when someone you used to love finds a new love interest. Your emotions can range from disinterest to jealousy, or from happiness for your ex to anger and hurt. It all depends on how well you get on after the split. But remember, your ex and her new man are just as apprehensive about your reaction as you are about their relationship.

So, how do you deal with the situation? Well, don't blunder in like a bull in a china shop, issuing warnings and making demands. For example, it would be disastrous to start pointing a finger in the new man's chest, ranting: "You lay a finger on her and you're a dead man" or "Don't ever try to treat my kids as if you're their father".

A lot depends on how you get on with your former wife. If you are on good terms, then speak to her about the situation in a mature, adult way. What is most important is how everything is going to impact on the kids. It is only natural that you want to know your ex's arrangements with regards to whether her new man is going to move in. You can't stop it, but you need to know for the kids' sake.

Don't try to set up a meeting with the new flame straight away. Let things develop naturally. You will hear enough about him from the kids, your ex and friends. When the time comes, you are sure to bump into him. Be polite, particularly in front of the kids. Remember, he could become a major part of their lives.

Speak to your ex and ask if she minds if you invite her new love out for a drink. If she agrees, when you ask him he'll already have been forewarned. Over a drink, be friendly to him. Remember, you both have one thing in common; you both fell for your ex at some time. So, chat to him about the kids. Let him know they mean the world to you.

Nobody can ever replace you as the kids' dad. Hopefully, your wife and the new man in her life will appreciate this. But it is up to you to continue to show your children that you are their dad and that you love them unconditionally. You have to keep up the contact: the phone calls, the birthday cards and presents, attending school plays. You must also make sure you don't put off weekend and vacation visits.

Learn more about this author, Phil Hill.
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