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Being in an abusive relationship can be a scary and dangerous affair. One moment, the person you pledged to spend the rest of your life with is the kind and carrying person with whom you fell madly in love. The next moment, that person is severely beating you, your children, or pets. What do you do? Do you stay and work it out? Do you run and hope you are never found? How do you handle children? Where do you go? These are all very troubling and overwhelming questions, but with a few tips to follow, you will be armed with the tools you need to break the cycle of abuse.

First, develop a plan. Start small. Examine your home carefully and determine the best exits to take in case you have to leave quickly. Pack a small bag that has important papers (such as birth certificates, medical information, important documentation on your children, etc.), a change of clothes for you and your children, extra medication, and some cash. Keep this bag hidden so you can grab it easily on your way out, or stash it with a friend or family member that you implicitly trust.

Second, determine where you can go. If you have a family member or friend that you trust and feel safe staying with them (even on a temporary basis), go there. If you have children with you, staying with people they already know will make it a little easier on them. If you are afraid your spouse will hurt these individuals, go to a local domestic violence shelter. They aren't hard to find and are happy to help you. Shelters sound scary and, let's face it this process is going to become terrifying before it gets better, but you're making a step to take back your life and it's worth it! Pull out a phone book and call the domestic violence hotline. They'll be able to help with your safety plan, set you up with a safe and confidential place to stay and give you even more tools to get your life back.

Third, stay strong. You're going to waffle back and forth from wanting to leave and wanting to go back. Remember, abuse is a cycle that only breaks when someone leaves or dies. Stay focused on getting out and reclaiming your life. Talk to the people on the other end of the phone at the crisis center or domestic violence hotline. Ask them to make an appointment for you to meet with a counselor. Then, make the meeting. There you'll have an ear to hear your situation and a caring person to help. You'll be given information on getting restraining orders (if you need them), further counseling programs for you and your children, and help starting over.

Remember, just because she's your wife, or he's your husband, doesn't give them the right to abuse you or those you love. Take a stand, break the cycle, and take your life back. It's going to be a tough road. You now have the basic tools to get started. Never forget that you aren't alone and there are people to help you every step of the way!

Learn more about this author, R.S. Collier.
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