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are gainfully employed as well as if one spouse is the primary breadwinner.

#6 - Outsiders: This can be anyone outside of your marriage, including your children, but more commonly are members of either spouse's family (not just your mother-in-law) and also close friends who do not like or understand your spouse. Sometimes they may have valid concerns and other times it can come down to something as petty as jealousy because they may feel that you have taken away too much of your spouse's time and attention.

#7 - Lack of effort: Some families have to have both spouses working, sometimes on completely opposite shifts and without an effort to maintain your loving connection, your marriage can slowly shift into something that makes you feel more like roommates. Your marriage is not a wilful entity that will do whatever it wants; it is something that will die if it is not cared for by both spouses.

#8 - Deal-breakers: Sometimes when love (or even infatuation) envelops us, we lose some of our common sense and we do not address some of the potential deal-breakers of a relationship until well after the rings are on our fingers. Disparity in regards to one's views on things like politics, religion, child-rearing (if you even want to have children) are the most common but there can also be things like how much spicing up you want in your bedroom after you've been together awhile. Things you might not have thought of during the honeymoon stage or beyond.

#9 - Unrealistic expectations: Did you get married because you thought you could change your spouse to better suit you as you grew old together? Were you looking for someone to take on more of a parental role rather than having an equal partnership? Did you expect your spouse to be your "Sugar Momma" or "Sugar Daddy"? That's a sure-fire way to kill your marriage if you and your partner did not view your union in the same way.

#10 - Not really being in love: I set this one apart from unrealistic expectations because with the aforementioned expectations, you may still feel that you love your spouse. This category is more of when you marry someone just to settle down. Marriages of convenience, marriages of friendship, marriages for the sake of not being alone. In these sorts of cases, your marriage never lived to begin with.

Remember, if you want a healthy marriage, you need to work at keeping it healthy. A marriage is not a self-sufficient entity. It is a partnership and it requires effort and nurturing from both spouses.

Learn more about this author, C. J. Sangoi.
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