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The Big Three, and Other Underachievers

No, I'm not talking about GM, Ford, and Chrysler, but McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's. I really don't want to spend too much time talking about burgers I don't like, but I feel compelled to talk about the state of fast food in America.

I do find it curious which burgers we've made popular in America, as if there was no concern for quality, only convenience, and perhaps marketing skills. In fact, "the McDonald's argument" is a generic term for describing a condition where the product that sells the most is confused with the being the product that's actually the best. As Frank Zappa used to say, "What stinks sells, and what sells stinks."

If you talk to most people and ask them about their favorite burger, more often than not you'll hear about Big Macs and Whoppers. In Los Angeles, it's a comfort to hear the term "Double-Double" thrown in as well, but still, there's a lot of schooling that needs to happen in the world of burgers.

McDonald's: I'm not about to start bashing McDonald's. That's already been done a million times by others. Others, by the way, who have had their pants sued off.

Yes, apparently McDonald's feels that they have a lot to protect, as if people would stop being addicted to their burgers if they found out a little soy or oatmeal was thrown into the mix.

I remember when Johnny Carson had to publicly apologize to McDonald's for cracking a joke which suggested that "100% beef" was a dubious claim. I remember the mathematician who was sued for allegedly proving that not enough cattle have existed in the history of the world to make the "billions and billions" of hamburgers that McDonald's has served over the years.

But the real reason why I'm not going to bash McDonald's is because once in a while I get a Quarter Pounder with Cheese that's come hot off the grill, and it's a pretty decent burger. It ain't The Apple Pan, but it'll do in a pinch.

I'll also admit that out of the Big Three, I probably go to McDonald's the most, more than I care to admit. Like most people, I enjoy the convenience. I also enjoy the consistency, which is perhaps McDonald's greatest strength. They may be consistently mediocre, but, like Holiday Inn, you always know what you're going to get when you walk into a McDonald's.

I've been in McDonald's from San Ysidro to Salamanca, and I've pretty much gotten exactly what I expected, and that's a rare thing in today's world. Let's face it, the standards are high. The restaurant is usually

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