Your relationship is finished. Now it's time to move on. There's been a lot of hurt and both of you need to get over it. It's never easy because you both feel that the other person is to blame.

Bickering every time you see each other is destructive. Trying to score points can have a huge negative affect on the kids. At times they may believe that they are being asked to take sides. It shouldn't be like that.

So how do you stop the verbal warfare? Here are some tips to try to overcome the bitterness that causes the constant arguments:

*Tell yourself the relationship is well and truly over. The only reason you still se your ex is because of the kids. Whatever feelings you once had for your ex are now gone. If you are always arguing, maybe it's because deep down you still see your ex as your partner. They aren't.

*If your ex says something to try to stir up an argument or upset you, just ignore it. Rise above the tactics.

*If you have a neutral friend both of you can trust, see if they can act as a peace broker. Be careful not to drag them into the hostilities by giving the impression you are asking them to take sides. You are simply requesting that they mediate.

*Remember you used to love your ex. You might think you hate them now, but they can't be all bad if you used to have good feelings for them. Try to avoid looking for faults. They weren't perfect when you loved them and they aren't evil now you detest them.

*Think of the kids. Your bickering can have deep psychological affects on them. Chat to your ex in a private, less volatile moment. Say that although the two of you no longer get along, you both need to try to be more civil for the kids' sake at least. Don't try to pin all the blame on your ex. Admit both of you have made mistakes.

*When the kids are going to spend time with your ex, make sure they take your ex a little something. Maybe something they made in cookery lessons at school, or a picture they drew. Make sure they remember cards and presents on his birthday, for Christmas and other special occasions. Your ex will see you are making an effort and giving them due credit as a fellow parent of your kids.

*Don't try to wind your ex up with snide comments or criticisms.

*If you have any details to sort out with your ex that could end in disagreement, don't do it in front of the kids.

It's tough calling a truce, particularly if you feel it isn't you starting the bickering. But you need to tolerate your ex as best you can for your own peace of mind and for the kids.

Learn more about this author, Phil Hill.
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